33

.......except not. when i wrote the last blog it was at 3 something. from about 9 to 11 it went all down hill. i can't fucking take this shit anymore i really can't and i won't. YOU WERE WRONG, FUCKING DEAL WITH IT. you get pissed when people do things THEY want to do. it's not your life, stop trying to control it. i think you know you need professional help, you just don't want to believe it. what you did is done. you fucked up way too many times. and the best part is, you say sorry like it'll make everything all better. nothing will change what you did. the past is the past. so an apology isn't needed, we don't want to hear it. our minds are made.

we all have a reason, and this is mine

32

THREE DAYS UNTIL A DAY TO REMEMBER, THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA AND EMAROSA. FUCK YEAH. I AM SO EXCITED YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I'M GOING TO WRITE THIS ALL IN CAPS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT FITS MY MOOD. TODAY WAS REALLY GOOD, I WASN'T PISSED/SAD/TIRED AT ALL. AND USUALLY I AM SO IT'S REALLY GOOD FOR ME. YAY. I HAVE TO MAKE DINNER AGAIN AND THEN AFTER THAT I HAVE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL TO HAVE A MEETING WITH MY MATH TEACHER ABOUT HOW I FAILED EVERY TEST/QUIZ AND THE MARKING PERIOD. FUNNNNN. OKAY BYE :D

31

AYYY i'm back. and still tried as hell. today was fun. me and kiddy walked around and took a million pictures at cedar and shitttt. and then me her and trac went to the mall [that's where the pictures are from] and yeah. good shit. lalala okays bye!

30

HI! i have to write fast but yesterday i was with my best friendssss. always the best time with them. i woke up an hour ago to people asking me if i wanted bagels? FUN. i slept at kiddys last night and i just got home but now i'm going back there because i hate being here. wooo okay. bye!

(pictures from yesterday)

me and kiddy!

we found this, it says PRINCESS on it and i always keep the random shit i find.

29

hello! i hate when i don't write everyday but i never remember to. anyway, saturday was fun. except seeing you. you made me fucking shake. i felt like my heart was in my stomach and when i heard your voice i wanted to scream. it was the first time i've heard it since that day. FUN. okay anyway...... sunday i don't remember what i did and this week hasn't been that bad. i just can't sleep anymore and when i finally do fall asleep i have to wake up and that's basically impossible. why can't i just be on a normal schedule? idk mannn. i was in a bad mood in the morning but then i realized that stupid things shouldn't bother me that much so i just let it fly by. it's not that good for me to do that though because after a while it keeps building up and then i basically have a break down. not good! when i got home i cleaned like a beast and now i'm here and i have no clue what i'll do after this. i'm in a weird mood. it's like if something dumb happens i feel like it'll piss me off terribly. blahhhh. okay, hopefully i write soon? goodbye.

28

i hate those 3 words. i know you don't mean it, so stop. i want what we HAD. i want you to be my friend, nothing more. anyway, last night was..... interesting. i'm hanging out with my best friends today, thank god. it'll be a good time (: okay nothing really to write. goodbye!

burn out, not fade away.

27

i need a reason. it's really getting to me. i came home with nothing to do but cry. i need to handle myself better. i just don't know how. i don't want to do anything. tonight should be fun, hopefully. if not, it'll just remind me of what i don't have and make me more aggravated. totally random but i hate how i put everyone before myself. it's not fair. i never get any of the respect back. i'm done, and don't care. if you're going to be a fucking dick to me, trust me... i'll be one right back, it's no problem. guess what? next time you need help, i won't fucking be there :D! nice to know you. goodbye.

26

hiiii. i'm in a good mood right now! i just got back from a really long walk by myself. i need those once in a while and plus it's gorgeous outside. okay so, let me explain the last 2 days. they had their good moments but mostly consisted of crying. i can't tell you why because i don't even know so myself. i feel like everything hit me at once after i watched 'a lot like love'. ashton kutcher's in it :D! "sometimes you have to cry for no reason, to make up for all the times you wanted to cry and didn't." - kiddy said it perfectly. (: today was a good day i guess. i noticed something weird though, everyday around 12:30 i get this dizzy/sick feeling. i don't know why. oh and i definitely failed my math test but whatever, don't careee. also, i have a decision to make... but if i get asked again i think i'm going to say yes (: lalala okays bye!

25

i am beyond pissed. last night was ......... fucking aggravating. if you want to criticize everything i do, PLEASE, keep it to yourself. i don't want to hear it. don't make me feel guilty for everything. you're making me hate you more and more. assholes. i know you're concerned but come on, you're making this a huge deal when in reality it isn't at all. i feel like my head is going to fucking explode. i can't take this anymore.
fuck it.

yesterday before 7 was good. mall with them v
best friends forever.

24

hello! i feel so sick. last night, me and tracy ate a disgusting amount of junk food and i basically died after. but it was a fun night (: anywayyy i'm going to the mall for a little then i'm gunna hang out with my best friends later. my friends take 5 years to get ready so i'm sitting here WAITING for them. lalala water :D wooo fun. uhm yeah. i'm really bored if you can't tell. okay time to go make myself mac and cheese! okay hi i'm back. and pissed. did you really have to say that? are you that dumb? you just put me in the worst mood. keep yourself locked in that room of your's if you don't want to bother with anyone, asshole. okay goodbye (:

23

i almost had a heart attack just now, blogger wouldn't let me sign in. today was .... ridiculous. so much shit happened hahaha. i was mad dizzy, and i still don't feel better. wonderfullll. i basically hate everyone right now. people are so damn selfish. well guess what? next time you need my help, i won't be there for you. you do this every time, i'm done. and you... you need to calm down and stop making a big deal out of every little thing. think before you speak/act. and grow the fuck up! so, i got a speech today. this one i actually listened to, it was different. basically saying if i don't do well now, i'm fucked. yuuuup. "i am sick of always trying but not trying hard enough" this providence couldn't of said it better. i'm scared of what's going to happen after i graduate high school. what do i do with my life? i don't even know what i want to be. every one's saying i have so much time to decide but in reality... i don't. i have to apply to colleges next year. how am i going to do that if i don't know what i want to do. i don't get it. i don't want to think about my life in 10-20 years. it honestly scares the shit out of me. ugh. i was studying before.. but i felt the need to come here and write. now i'm just procrastinating, oh welllllll. i think i should continue studying and doing my homework but just like always, i won't until 9 or 10. i don't know why but that always happens. okay goodbye (:

how perfect is this? it's basically what i wrote up there.

22

hiiiii. i should be doing my homework right now because i have a shitload of it but that's how much i care. so, i haven't written here for 6 days? i don't know. i really don't. i'm trying to think what has happened in those 6 days but i really can't remember... that's not surprising. i'm as sick as hell right now, basically i can't breathe and my stomach is killing along with a headache that never seems to go away. i'm loving life, let me tell you. that was sarcasm, if you didn't catch on. so yeah, i don't know what i'm saying but i reallyyy need to sleep. i love it and i never want to wake up sometimes but yaknow... i got things to do, people to see. good times. lalala. yeah... i think i'm done for today. goodbye!

21

i am dead tired right now. i can hardly keep my eyes open to write this. i just wanted to say that i'm kind of upset. i was reading through old things [which is a bad idea because i always end up like this] and i noticed something. that something was that i actually wanted to go to school last year. last year i had a reason. this year? nothing. nothing at all. nothing is making me go to school, if it was up to me i'd stay home everyday and sleep. i need a reason to want to go to school. a reason to want to do anything, really. oh, before i was doing a health project on anxiety. i seriously just noticed that everything i read described me perfectly. maybe that explains why i'm the way i am, maybe it doesn't. who knows? apparently i don't. whatever. i want to start over, an all new me... i'm just really scared. i don't know. i need to sleep, i feel like a zombie. goodnight whoever.

20

hello! i have a snow day today! woooo. i was going to stay home anyway because yesterday i was throwing up like crazy lmao. FUN. i really have nothing to say. so yeah, goodbye (:

"love, we had it. you're a bad habit. i'm ready to give you up, i give up."